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11 November 2022

Ruta Mave: The unspoken realities of strong women

Monday 11 March 2024 | Written by Ruta Tangiiau Mave | Published in Editorials, Opinion


Ruta Mave: The unspoken realities of strong women
Ruta Tangiiau Mave. Photo: CI NEWS

Women’s day was celebrated with shared food and drink involving conversation, discussion and sharing of platitudes to being a unique, diverse, all-encompassing woman. Women waved flags of unity and sisterhood holding their heads high. Then, later that day, they would return to their roles as wife, mother, other at the beck and call of men. By Ruta Mave.

As an opinion columnist, I often find people commenting or more importantly gaslighting me by saying I am rude, standoffish, stubborn or up myself. As a representative of strong women – not land meeting bullies, but women who know their own worth, who stand up for themselves, who have standards and morals, who won’t be silenced when they see bad behaviour, discrimination and immorality.  I am here to tell you, independent thinking women, are not mean, rude, difficult troublemakers, they are in truth, honest and loyal characters, fierce defenders of friends and family and importantly truthsayers.

Strong women know and say who they are. You can believe what they say because they stand by it, they don’t change their tune when no one is looking. They will be there for you in a storm, real or emotional, and they have your back no matter what, when you earn their trust.

They may cut a solitary path because few leaders are brave enough to stand up to misogyny. Women that do have thick skin to deflect the backstabbing, the hurled insults and cutting comments. They have strong stomachs for the poisoned lies they are fed, the malicious gossip they swallow and the bitter disappointment they often taste. In their eyes they see positive potential in everyone and everything, then they watch how others flames are extinguished before they fully catch; see the veil of complacency wash over dreams and see the light of hope diminish in others souls.

They try to guide those who have become deaf and blind to a hand up and look only for the handouts. Only to be labelled heartless because they urge others to do the work to believe and achieve the sensation of enriching empowerment that comes from helping oneself out of humdrum life, to becoming the wonderous woman they were meant to be. Instead of choosing the default setting of being the lead actor in a cage.

When you meet a woman who knows her worth, beneath she is warm and kind but she may not instantly warm to you as a long-lost friend. She is wary, she is watchful.

She does not look to see if your painted nails match your shoes, instead, she looks to see if your actions match your words.

A worthy woman doesn’t judge you on your fashion dress and how you present your body, she judges how present you are to her, the conversation and the people around you. Her insight is direct, she will sense a false façade at forty paces. If you feel uncomfortable with her no-nonsense stance, it is because she doesn’t suffer fools easily.

A woman of substance does not get flattered by your superficial compliments or gifts. She looks at how you treat the staff waiting the tables or your family during public events but especially when the doors are closed.

She hears not what you are saying but what you are avoiding. She feels your pain, anger jealousy and embattled self-esteem and she says nothing. It is not a halo of a higher life form she surrounds herself with, that shimmer you bump into that puts you on edge, is the white light she surrounds herself with to protect her from the continual deluge of negativity.

If you feel it and it feels wrong or hurtful, it is not from her but what has bounced off her aura which shields her precious lightness and being, from the ravages of the world.

A warrior princess can be battle weary and scarred from past and personal wars, yet she carries a passionate joy, love and loyalty beyond the scope of ordinary persons for those who are worthy, who give equal respect, understanding and blessing. You will always have her support, she is your sister from another mister, your soul mate in this lifetime journey.

She comes when you call, she always lifts you up or drags you up when you most need the lifeline. She tells you fair and straight, when you are in a pit of despair and need to be brought back to yourself. She will acknowledge and know your pain as if it is her own and she will nurture you, feed your soul, goals and loved ones when you are down.

She knows the assignment and challenges and still has the courage and presence of mind to strive forth to live life with respect, harmony and happiness for herself then for others. Celebrate strong women.