Beau Villanuva, left, and Sophie Faurens from Island Craft with an order of roses and daisies for Valentine's Day. 21021010
Keeping love alive takes more than one day, writes Ruta Mave, reflecting on Valentine’s Day which was celebrated on Sunday.
Love, love, all you need is love and once a year you’re allowed to go gushy
romantic and pay for cards, flowers and chocolates and declare, love, lavishly,
loudly is lunacy.
hearts adorn the shops announcing the arrival of Valentine’s Day, and people
around the globe secretly or openly wish for a secret admirer or a current
partner to get enthusiastic for the day of expected requirements; to choose
them, a romantic restaurant, fabulous florist and cases of chocolate to seal
the deal, of your love.
day of love, more leaning towards making the feminine side happy, as only one
in five males look forward to chocolates wrapped in red foil, the other four
would prefer something, else that’s red, lacy and racy.
desire for romantic love is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup, the
media talk about keeping love alive, with articles like “101 ways to express
love” readers will choose 3-4 try it and when they don’t work, try finding some
other source of magic to unfold the mystery of love.
Chapman the author of The Five Love Languages, says you must be willing to
learn the primary love ‘language’ of your partner if we’re to be effective
communicators of love.
will be men out there shaking their heads saying, I brought home some flowers
and the missus just rolls her eyes and complains I didn’t do the dishes, or why
did I waste money on flowers when she’s got a whole garden full of flowers that
needs weeding. Gee can’t win.
are you’re speaking the wrong ‘language’ to her. There are five ‘Love
Languages’ if you speak a different one to your partner it’s like speaking
gobbledygook, which will lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding.
says knowing which love language; words of affirmation, quality time, receiving
gifts, acts of service, and physical touch apply to you and yours will make
your relationship a walk in the park, not Jurassic Park.
flowers or gifts on Valentine’s day will work wonderfully for the person who
speaks “Receiving gifts’ but if they have the ‘acts of service’ accent, then
doing the dishes would be a cheaper way of keeping them happy.
small gifts can be appreciated, but coming home finding the washing folded,
dinner made, or the kids fed, bathed and in bed can be equal to winning
time’ linguists don’t necessarily need a fancy restaurant, they could settle
for fish and chips on the beach if you’re there with them, not sitting there
playing Candy Crush, but with them, talking, looking and listening to
hard to add ‘ahah’ hmmm, during their monologue and if you keep nodding and
smiling, you could be in like Flynn.
languages also work with kids and some ‘quality time’ watching them play sport,
or at their prizegiving, they don’t need to talk to you, but them seeing you
taking the time to be there for them, can fill their emotional cup.
of Affirmation’ language, is an easy but tricky one.
praise, of acceptance of who they are, are plentiful in the dictionary but
often limited in our vocabulary, and if we do have them our butt gets in the
dude, but…., nice haircut, if only…
the words like a mantra to instill a strong belief system: ‘You’re strong, you
are kind, you’re intelligent and you are loved’. Something to remember before
you ask ‘what’s for dinner’ try leading with, ‘Hi gorgeous’, ‘you had me at
hello’ or ‘Hey, good lookin’…’ Put up words of praise on their mirror, lunches,
in their bags.
touch’ doesn’t speak so much, more they are always hanging onto you.
love a hug, hold hands, PDA public displays of affection. Mammas love coming
in, ‘come here boy and hug your Aunty, then they envelope you with arms, and
body, hugging, jiggling, rocking side to side, humming and kissing cheek to
those who don’t speak ‘Physical Touch’ like teenage boys, this is no reward.
social distancing is a relief for many and a muzzle for others. The touch on a
shoulder or arm, a fist bump or hair ruffle can be as fulfilling as the bear
healing, and vital for life, living with someone who isn’t, can be damaging for
in love can be a temporary insanity, that’s instantly cured by marriage.
Keeping love alive takes more than one day. Before you marry a person, you
should first make them use a computer with slow internet, and untangle xmas
lights, to see who they really are.
what love languages you and yours speak, is an opportunity to speak love to
them, every day, because love is a word, but marriage is a sentence – for life.