‘My hat’s still on my head’

Thursday December 07, 2017 Published in Smoke Signals

“Earlier this year, I said I’d eat my hat if Tim Tepaki’s scheme to develop the outer islands and revive the Sheraton hotel project got off the ground in November this year,” a smoke signaller says.

“It seems my hat is in no danger on that one. However, I’m prepared to do the same if the Tiare Taporo resumes its service to the northern islands in January. I’d probably eat another one too if they pay back all their debts. As for PSL’s apparent new burst of energy and enthusiasm, maybe the scent of shipping subsidies is in the air.”

TUTAKA FINES- Select category -

The smoke signaller says he’ll also eat a hat (preferably made from chocolate – organic, of course), if anyone gets fined for contravening environment laws as a result of the current Tutaka inspections. “All around the island there are pits crammed with rubbish including plastic and rubber material that is routinely burned, producing highly toxic and dangerous smoke. And it’s not just the “lower classes” who are doing this either. The rich and the famous, who should know a lot better, are also freely indulging in this despicable practice.”

IT’S JUST RIDUNCULOUS

Was Internal Affairs minister Albert Nicholas coining a new word when he told parliament on Monday that claims he was involved in a plot to set up a new government were “ridunculous?”

Well, you won’t find the word in any conventional dictionary, but it does pop up on some of the more obscure reference websites such as the Urban Dictionary. Apparently it means, “beyond ridiculous.” Don’t bother looking for it in the far more respected and reliable publications such as the Oxford Dictionary, though.

WORDS OF AN ASS

Another smoke signaller says the word “ridunculous” first surfaced in the hit movie Shrek, about an ogre who lives in a swamp and whose life is suddenly sent into disarray by an invasion of fairy tale characters. The word is apparently uttered by a donkey.

DRIVER OF THE WEEK

A toss-up between the driver of the new twin cab truck who got irritated with slow traffic in front of him and chose to pass a line of vehicles on a blind corner just before the seawall on Monday, and the woman who rode her motorcycle from Arorangi to Nikao, without once looking in her rear vision mirrors. She rode the whole distance blissfully unaware of the long line-up of cars, trucks and bikes crawling along behind her. 

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