Vaka-jumping offers fail to flush out any takers

Tuesday January 10, 2017 Published in Smoke Signals

WITH GOVERNMENT IN a precarious position given the equal numbers on either side of the House, strenuous attempts are apparently being made by the CIP government to persuade coalition opposition MPs to join the vaka-jumping club.

So far, apparently there have been no takers. One MP who claims to have been shoulder-tapped said there’s no way he’s ever going to be tempted, no matter what baubles are offered. And he promises an “interesting” time when parliament is eventually obliged by law to sit.

POLITICS AND PULPITS

“SUNDAY SERVICE AT the Cook Islands Christian Church at Ngatangiia was somewhat interesting this week – it previewed the coming of a new “messiah,” Mata McNair, who was praised by Papa Rau Nga from the pulpit,” a smoke signaller says. “Has the new CIP candidate been named for the next election? And is the church her election platform? Not that she appears there regularly, but I do believe that it is about to change. But Mata should remember that the House of God is not the place you go to praise yourself!

FLY-AWAY PM

THE SITUATION DOES not appear to perturb our frequent-flying prime minister too much – after spending some time on Aitutaki over the festive season, he shot off to the Puna family reunion on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia.

AWARD-WINNING EFFORT

THIS TAKES THE award for dangerous driving involving children: Sighted at Arorangi last week, a local man riding a scooter one-handed, with a baby tucked under his other arm. Oh, and no helmet, either.

SHOPPING UNDISTURBED

“IT WAS INTERESTING seeing prime minister Puna out shopping in CITC before Christmas,” a smoke signaller says. “No-one spoke to him, or asked him if he wanted help. I wondered if no one recognised him without his Elvis costume (he had his glasses on after all), or if everyone was just ignoring him. He didn’t even have hecklers harassing him over some of the outrageous blunders he made last year. These days, people don’t even have the time and energy to confront him. Very sad.”

TATTOO HARDLY POLYNESIAN

“I AM NOT sure what is more disturbing, Albert Nicholas’ “Poison" throat tattoo or the smoke signaller that thinks it is a cultural tattoo,” a smoke signaller says. “The ancient gothic font used is more in line with the illuminati of Europe and the English wording makes it more like a Headhunter, Black Power or Mongrel Mob tribal cultural tattoo. In my opinion it is definitely not a representation of our Polynesian culture here in the Cook Islands.” 

HOLIDAY SPOILER

“WHAT A WAY to spoil everyone's lovely relaxed holiday,” a smoke signaller says.  “There you are on your bike, idling along at under 40km enjoying the sun and wind in your hair and chatting to your friend, only to be pulled up by the police for not wearing a helmet! Wasn't speeding, wasn't driving unsafely, wasn't drunk or abusive or endangering others or being offensive in any way. Bang! ‘One hundred dollars, please’. Bah, humbug on many young peoples’ Christmas. Put the control where it should be: at night outside all of the bars offering drinks for just $3.50. These are the places where police intervention is most likely to be needed. There’s no need to pick on our happy-go-lucky bike riders enjoying a summer’s day while on holiday.”

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