Exclusive: The legend of the Unionist

Friday July 21, 2017 Published in Letters to the Editor

Five hundred hours ago a private ship came ashore on the Rarotongan lagoon at Avarua.

 

It had been most heinously attacked by the pirates of the Ignoramus tribe. The lone survivor swore on the skull of his computer that he would expose and avenge those who were oppressed, suppressed and repressed.

“I swear to devote my life to the destruction of heresy, greed, cruelty, and injustice, in all their forms! My sons and their sons, shall follow me.”

So it has been, down through those long and lonely hours, a legacy passed from the oldest son to the oldest son and thus began the legend of “The Unionist – the host who balks, the man who cannot lie”.

On his last voyage his ship was attacked by misogynists intent on exposing him and the last thing he remembers is coming ashore and watching his opinions being dissected by the pirates of the Ignoramus tribe before he fell unconscious.

He was soon found by the little people from the Iti Tangata tribe who nursed him, supported him and took care of him.

After learning the bits and bytes language of the Iti Tangata tribe he soon found out that they were to all intents and purposes, slaves of the Ignoramus tribe and after confronting them, he was set upon in a most despicable manner. He managed to escape and with the help of those Iti Tangata who were not enslaved, they got away unharmed.

This man who was to become the legendary “Host Who Balks”, learned from the legends of the Iti Tangata tribe that there would come among them a man from the sea who would take up their cause and deliver them from slavery. This resulted in a long and lasting friendship between the “Host Who Balks” and the Iti Tangata tribe.

In gratitude in the deep interior, in the virtual world, the Iti Tangata, the little people, showed him a cave whose appearance resembled a computer mouse and keyboard and this came to be known as the ‘Scroll Nave’, a place of safety and security, a sanctuary for the oppressed and a place where the pen is mightier than the sword.

Wearing his cloak of invisibility the “Host Who Balks” became what would later be termed the “Unionist”.

When he ran out of steam, his oldest son took over and so on and so on, causing people to believe that the Unionist was immortal, until 500 hours later we have the legend of ‘The Unionist, the host who balks, the man who cannot lie’.

            Unionist

            (Name and address supplied)

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