I dedicate this week’s column to cheer our 130 returning passengers in quarantine at the Edgewater with a few light-hearted jokes.
Is there a Maori work for coronavirus and Covid-19? How about manumanu korona and kotiki maiva-19.
After a long speech by a minister, a bored MP went out for a smoke. Another MP was already there smoking. “What is he talking about?” “He didn’t say,” came the reply.
The world prepares for nuclear war but not a pandemic.
Two drunks at a bar were having a philosophical discussion on reincarnation. “And how long have you believed in reincarnation?” “Ever since I was a little frog,” said the other.
Missing dog ad. Lost dog, three legs, blind in left eye, right ear missing, broken tail, no teeth, recently castrated, answers to “Lucky”.
A bachelor is a man who comes to work every morning from a different direction.
The bachelor finished his meal and gave a lousy 5 per cent tip in 5c pieces. Thanks, said the waiter, you can always tell the character of a person by his tips. “Really, how do these three 5c pieces tell you about my character?” The three coins were put in a row – that tells me you are a tidy person. The second coin tells me you are a frugal bachelor.” “That’s true,” said the impressed bachelor. “What does the third coin tell you?” “That tells me that your father was also a bachelor.”
Jonah Lomu went to the pearly gates St Peter in the Holy Chair said, “who are you?” “I’m Jonah Lomu and you are sitting in my chair.”
The next three are my own in past Parliamentary debates:
In response to a very noisy, stroppy opposition MP, I said, “Mr Speaker, my Honourable friend is behaving like a cockroach on steroids.”
I made this comment about a previous prime minister: “This prime minister travels so much that he will fly overseas for the opening of an oyster.”
After returning home from an overseas trip, this minister started showing off by announcing that he had been appointed to the Executive of the Commonwealth Parliamentary Association, a rare distinction. After the accolades from his colleagues, I decided to spoil the fun. “There is a Buddhist saying that the higher the monkey climbs up the pole, the more you see his behind.” Boooo Member for Atiu!
Last but not least, a notice to all the husbands and partners of the quarantined Golden Oldies komiti fighters.
No cooking, no housework, no feeding of the pigs, goats or cows. No panel-beating of the family car, no working in the taro patch or plantation, breakfast in bed whenever requested, exclusive rights to the TV, stereo and bar for one calendar month.
Cheers, ka kite!