Wise words on marriage

Friday February 19, 2016 Written by Published in Church Talk
Seminars and statistics on marriage reveal that wives are starving for love and aff ection more than money and material things, says Bishop Tutai Pere. 16021801 Seminars and statistics on marriage reveal that wives are starving for love and aff ection more than money and material things, says Bishop Tutai Pere. 16021801

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart; as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire which hath a most vehement flame…many waters cannot quench love neither can the floods drown it: If a man would give all the substance of his house for love it would utterly be contemned” – Song of Solomon 9: 6 & 7.


There are probably more separations, divorces, de facto, unmarried human relationships in the world today than there are married couples.

As much as God desires and intends for man and woman to be together as husband and wife, the adversary Satan is forever out to also steal, kill and destroy all marriages. Succeeding, he splits and separates the family unit and causes war, disunity and disharmony amongst them all.

The Apostle Paul states and instructs the church at Corinth: “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy; for I have espoused you to one husband that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ” (2 Cor. 11: 2). Every Christian marriage must set their focus and culminate with credibility, accountability and loyalty to Christ. Paul further warns the church at verse 3: “But I fear, lest by any means as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”

I have heard so many preachers and teachers of the Word put the blame on the woman (Eve) as the primary cause for the downfall of the human race. But I have always raised the question - where was man (Adam) when Satan the devil whispered to his wife (Eve)?

What means of precaution and protection have husbands provided their wives when in the face of tests, temptations, trials and tribulations?

How much security have husbands/fathers provided for their wives and families?

The Apostle Peter gave spiritual guidance and direction to all husbands when he said in 1st Peter 3: 7: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

“Weaker vessel” here does not necessarily mean that women are hopelessly useless when it comes to physical strength compared to men, yet most men would certainly be more than glad that it is not them bearing the labour pains of child birth, doing all the chores of keeping a home as well as raising a family. Husbands must certainly admit that housewives can do better shopping and home budgeting than most husbands.

“Weaker vessel” here states the vulnerability, suppleness and emotional nature of woman. She can be on edge and breaks off very easily, as if always carrying a sign saying, “Fragile, handle with care.”

As the old saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t all else is happy.”

 It is therefore dad’s duty to keep or maintain the peace in the home by simply keeping Mama happy at all times, that his many wishes, hopes and prayers may not be hindered according to Holy Scripture.

It’s true to say that a dog is man’s best friend or a cat is man’s cutest or snuggly friend, but a woman, a wife is his most perfect fit (helpmeet). Humans alone, apart from all other species created, are meant for each other and are meant to live happily ever after through marriage until parted by death.

Key words in a husband’s daily life (1 Peter 5: 5 – 6)

1.Loyalty: “…be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.” To be a faithful and true man in the marriage and family covenant.

2.Love and tenderness: Many seminars and statistics on marriage reveal that wives are starving for love and affection more than money and material things. It is sound and practical advice that all husbands show love and affection in a more personal, intimate and practical ways to their wives as often as they could.

3.Respect: To respect a wife for who and what she is, not what she does.

4.Manliness and submission: Christ was a man. That manhood was seen in tenderness and submission. So a manly husband is to “humble himself under the mighty hand of God.” This submission to God’s sovereignty and authority brings strength and health into the home and family. Without this spirit of Christ-like humility, there is no manliness in a husband and no security for his wife. Humbling oneself is not a sign of weakness, but of love in the strongest senswe of the word even as “…Christ humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the Cross” (Philippians 2: 8). This is how he demonstrated his love for his bride the church, such should a saved husband show and demonstrate love for his wife upon earth, as it is in heaven.

5.Courtesy: A gift that husbands must and should offer their wives every day (many little loving kindnesses and attentions) all expressed in actions. A warm Kia orana, peea ua koe, Good morning, Thank you for my meal, my washing, my ironing, tokens of appreciations. It doesn’t cost anythingto just utter them in their sight and hearing, not under the pillows.

6.Authority: To establish God’s rule in the home, a Christian husband needs an anointing of the Holy Spirit of God upon him as he should if he is to be the head/authority in the home.

7.Commitment: A wise husband commits his life daily to God, to serve and to lead his wife and family. He is a man committed to follow and to serve the Lord Jesus Christ; for he knows the truth of Jesus words to his disciples “without me you can do nothing” (John 15: 5).

Practical ways for a husband to lead:

1.By providing: It’s a great testimony to say of a husband or father, that he was a good provider for his wife and family all through his life. No woman should marry a man who does not have a steady job nor earn a living. A husband plans well to also provide his family time for outing, recreation, vacations, sports, leisure or celebration time.

2.By serving: (Luke 22: 26 – 27). “…but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. For whether is greater he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? Is not he that sitteth at meat? But I am among you as he that serveth.” No such thing as a wife’s or husband’s role: they both share as they see fit or necessary for the good and benefit of the whole family. Example: A good and loving husband does not leave dirty dishes or washing until his wife recovers from her sickness to do them?

3.By protecting: Christ protected his bride the church to the death. First that any husband should provide protection is to his own wife and family, all others come secondary.

4.            By taking up a leading role in his own home and family:

•Prophet – he prepares grounds and settles his family in the love and Word of God.

•Priest – he initiates and leads devotion, prays and embraces his family in the love of God.

•             King – he provides authority, discipline and chastisement in the home and family.

•             This is where most husbands fail their leading role because most are hardly there to lead. Then when wives try to fill in for their absence, some husbands take it as some kind of a threat or calls it as domineering. Every role and duties in any family or home should be shared and reciprocated. Husbands should pour love out first before they can expect full submissions from their wives. We water the plants they grow to bloom and bear fruits.

5.By being an encourager: He enters fully into the day to day life duties and responsibilities of the home helping his wife and children. The home is the testing ground of a man’s character and true worth. All ministry flows out of a man’s homely life. The secret window to a wife’s heart is when a husband treats her a queen in a home of her own and demonstrates love in action – gifting her at every special moment of their entire married life.

Prayer for husbands: Lord Jesus, you were once on earth and a man. You showed and demonstrated how a husband should love his wife in how you showed sacrificial love for your Bride the Church. We as husbands are absolutely without excuse for our many weaknesses and failures as husbands in our marriages, family and homes. Help us to love our wives more than ourselves, in doing so, we are not only exercising our authority as leaders in the home but also claiming our role as savior of the marriage as you have of the church….in Jesus Name Amen!

Until next time: If all men and husbands could rightly position themselves with their Creator God, our world will be all cosmos (orderliness) than chaos (disorderliness). God bless our Cook Islands to remain and continue a peaceful haven on earth and under God Almighty Jesus Christ!

Have a blessed Jesus weekend.

Bishop Tutai Pere,

Apostolic Church 

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